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A Kayaker's Lament

By Pat Harbine

I have only one woman in my life but I've had many boats! She patiently balances the budget after I splurge for the latest new concepts in form and function that catch my eye.

Some of these beauties are tall and thin others short and stout but I love them all for a while and then my roving eye spots another!

She worries a lot and becomes jealous when the shapely new plaything garners attention that should rightly be hers!

I have had more than my share of beautiful fiberglass and plastic mistresses all bearing the sexiest names of the era. My collection began in my fiberglass years with a Nordic 1, and then came an Easy Rider and an Outrage. I discovered the soft, yielding skins of plastic and was hooked! The river Chasers, Eclipses, Mirages, Jetis, Sabers, Topos, Responses, Furys, Euros and Medievals followed in quick succession. I had to have them all! I have outlived many a good boat but like any self respecting Lothario, I still want more!

My wife is not a river person. She knows being jealous of a boat or boats is not mature! However sometimes when I tell her of my latest experience I blurt out a statement that halts all further conversation. The conversation will not start again until I have served an adequate penance. When conversing with other boaters one often talks of, "Controlling the Savage at Heller Bar" or "Riding the Dancer Into Velvet". A statement like that in a conversation with your spouse is bound to land you on the couch or outside the house altogether. You were doing what, with whom?

My wife does not understand boater talk. Her instructions when I leave on a river trip are, you keep your Saber where it belongs and stay away from those Domitrexes, Pranksters and Tricksters and especially those XXXs.

Thirty years of annoying my wife with this ridiculous sport has brought us to an understanding! If I'm going to spend my weekends in an intense, sweaty, physical relationship with a silly little kayak, then I had better perform "Big Time" when I get home!